You Can (Not) Decide
by SqueamishAnchovies
Summary: *REBUILD SPOILERS AHOY* Mari and Asuka must learn to work together in the newly-formed WILLE. Violence, language, and other great things ensue.
1. Suicide

The red Evangelion lumbered over the red wastes under a reddening sky.

Mari Makinami Illustrious hated the color red.

"Just a little farther, Unit-02," she said, coaxing it uphill. "C'mon, don't you want a nice place to sleep?"

Her Eva faltered as its foot slipped on a patch of rubble.

Mari caught herself before she tipped over.

"Oh, you wanna sleep now, is that it? Make _me_ walk the rest of the way? Not happening. It's only a few kilometers to the next power station..."

The living machine shuddered. As if it resented her.

Mari sighed. "Fine, have it your way." She addressed the computer: "Switch to solar power!"

"_SOLAR CELLS ACTIVATED_."

"There, that's better, isn't it?" She flipped her dark brown hair and pushed up her glasses. "I can't believe you. Internal power can't hold a charge at all. If this sort of behavior goes on, I don't know how long our partnership will last."

This was her life. Hopping between underground shelters, hoping for something to eat, or a place to sleep and recharge her Eva. Once the food and reserve power ran out, she moved on.

This was never part of the plan.

When the Tenth Angel attacked NERV's headquarters, Mari only planned to borrow Evangelion Unit-02 for a short while, long enough to defeat the Angel. But she failed. Even the Beast had failed. That fat bastard Angel gobbled Unit-00, Unit-01 went berserk, and the whole world went to hell. Now everything was red, and everyone was dead.

Not Mari.

If anyone deserved to survive the near–Third Impact, she did. Mari knew more secrets of the Eva than any other pilot—more than most technicians, even. Or so she thought.

The internal LCL filtration system. The prototype solar cells. The Beast. Mari took pride in these secrets, which had saved her life when she hobbled into a ruined world on a mutilated Eva. But the Eva healed, and Mari survived.

There was no NERV left. Only her and the endless wasteland.

Mari knew how to make it on her own—it was the way she'd survived.

But facing the world alone was its own kind of suicide.

"We'll be all right, Unit-02. We'll be all—"

Then she heard the choppers.

From the horizon there approached a squadron of helicopters carrying..._Is that an Eva?_

Mari crept closer. She kept Unit-02 low to the ground to slip under the radar. The red dirt camouflaged her well.

Suspended on thick steel cables, the other Eva gleamed green in the slanted sunlight. "Eva-08," Mari murmured. She flushed with relief. "A new active Evangelion! That means NERV is still...!"

Unit-08 stood erect and waved its giant hands. "Hey meatheads, this way!"

To Mari's delight, the procession turned toward her.

"Rescued at last," she breathed. "Took long enough. I was almost worried that—"

Her smile fell. "Oh crap."

While the helicopters hovered over her, the cords holding the other Eva snapped off. Unit-08 plummeted toward her. And it pointed a progressive knife.

Mari leaped back. Unit-08 crashed down knife-first, splashing up a spray of dust. While Mari steadied Unit-02, Unit-08 burst through the dust, knife extended, and thrust at Mari.

Though sluggish as a cold lizard, Mari caught the thrust from the Eva's wrist. The blade stopped mere meters from her core. Grunting with effort, Mari yanked Unit-08 into a headbutt. The knife dropped; Mari kicked it away. Unit-08 ducked for it, but the weapon skittered out of reach. For maximum damage, Mari dropped an elbow on Unit-08's broad back. Its plate armor cracked.

Mari wrapped her Eva's arms around Unit-08's neck in a headlock. "Gotcha!"

Writhing in her grip, Unit-08 somehow twisted free and staggered back. Its pilot attempted another line of attack.

Mari's intercom crackled. "Unidentified pilot, stand down and—"

"Like hell I will!"

With a wild cry, Mari sprang at Unit-08.

Unit-02 pounced on its enemy, knocking Unit-08 onto its back. Straddling its body, Mari pummeled Unit-08, over and over and over. Unit-08's face disintegrated under her fists.

Mari laughed manically. Blood thudded in her ears. Her fingers rubbed raw against the controls. What had she missed for a year? This. Yes, this. The joy of battle.

"Give up? Give up yet, huh? HUH?"

She didn't see the knife until it plunged into Unit-02's neck.

Mari screamed. She and her Eva reared back as one, synchronized bodies searing with agony. Alarms blared and flashed, drowning the cockpit in red light.

Unit-08 twisted the knife. When it jerked out the blade, a blue-green geyser spurted from Unit-02's neck. The wounded Eva roared. Not finished, Unit-08 grabbed Unit-02 by the shoulders and slammed it into a knee.

Mari's cockpit rocked. She tasted blood in her mouth.

Spinning around, Unit-08 tossed Unit-02's limp body into the ruins of a skyscraper. An avalanche of rubble slid over it. The Eva didn't move.

Unit-08 advanced, cautiously triumphant.

"Unidentified pilot," the other pilot said, "I'm through with being nice. Get the hell out of my Eva."

Mari stirred. Had she blacked out? Felt like it. So dizzy. She gripped the controls, fingers twitching, itching to claw out that other pilot's throat.

Unit-02 lay on its back, buried in wreckage, its neck oozing blue fluid.

Unit-08 plodded closer.

With a sharp gasp, Mari rolled up into a standing position. She swept Unit-08's legs, bringing it down with a crash. As Unit-08 fell, she grabbed it by the ankle and swung its body around. "See how _you_ like it!" She released her hold, and it crashed into the rest of the ruins. When Unit-08 arched its back, Mari ground its face into the ground.

The other pilot's screams filled and thrilled Mari.

But while she wasn't watching, the day grew dark.

The lights in Unit-02's cockpit flickered.

"Reserve power almost depleted?" Mari cried. "No, not now! Anytime but now!"

Unit-08 stood up, dazed but not defeated.

Mari swore with every curse she knew. "You won't get rid of me that easily! I'll—oh." She paused and cocked her head.

She heard the missiles before she saw them.

The helicopters hovered on the horizon, artillery aimed right at her. They fired. Rockets screamed across the sky, hot smoke streaming out behind.

"You've got to be joking..."

The brilliant blasts engulfed Unit-02.

Mari staggered, eardrums throbbing. The LCL around her bubbled and boiled, burning in her lungs.

When the smoke cleared, Unit-08 appeared. Mari couldn't move. The progressive knife thrust into Unit-02's gut and ripped upward. Blood gushed from its open stomach. Mari shrieked. Her entry plug forcibly ejected.

It landed with a clang. Outside, her Eva tumbled down.

"Not fair," Mari muttered to the dark, "not fair. She had help. She called in an airstrike! Not fair. Not fair at all..."

The LCL drained from her entry plug. With a clank and a hiss, the hatch swung open. Sunlight streamed in.

A girl strode through the hatch. Auburn hair, eye patch, red plugsuit. She scowled at Mari but said nothing.

Mari hated the color red.

The other pilot clicked her earpiece. "Captain? It's Asuka. We got her."

"Good work," crackled the reply, loud enough for Mari to hear. "Bring her back to base. We'll deal with her there."

"Understood."

The girl advanced, teeth clenched, eye smoldering, fist raised.

Mari grinned crookedly. "What, you wouldn't hit a girl with—"

From the force of the punch, Mari's glasses flew off her face and fell to the floor. Mari took the hit with a smile.

"That's for stealing my Unit-02," the pilot spat. She struck again. "That's for making me fight my own Eva." The pilot paused. Warm blood trickled from Mari's nose. "And this...is so you don't forget, I'll never forgive you." She struck a third time.

Mari slipped into sleep with an insolent smile.


	2. Matricide

Mari awoke to the beep of a heart monitor.

She lay on white sheets in a white room and wore a loose white gown. An IV in her wrist pumped drugs into her bloodstream.

Voices stirred on the edge of her hearing.

"Doctor, she's waking up!"

"Not yet she's not. Increase ... dosage to ... cc's."

"But she might—"

"Do as I say!"

"Aye ma'am..."

Mari slipped back into the black. She drifted in and out of consciousness, her days a haze.

On the table beside her was a maroon blur resembled her glasses. But when she went to get them, she met resistance. Both wrists were handcuffed to the bed. Huh. Kinky.

She perked up at the patter of many footsteps.

A blue blur strode toward her.

"Mari Makinami Illustrious?"

She rasped a chuckle. "Who wants to know?"

The figure bristled. There was a sound of shuffling papers. "We pulled your file. Your reputation precedes you, problem child. Expelled from Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard, Yale and Tokyo University all before the age of thirteen. Presumed responsible for the destruction of the Third Angel at Bethany Base, as well as the loss of Evangelion Unit-05. Hijacked Evangelion Unit-02 from NERV headquarters to fight the Tenth Angel, unsuccessfully.

"Family history, unknown. Current location, unknown." The voice paused. "Allegiance, unknown."

"Sounds like my type of girl," Mari slurred, her tongue swollen and sluggish from the anesthetic. "And what would you do with her if you caught her?"

The figure didn't answer. Instead it said, "A year ago, a cataclysmic event destroyed almost all life on Earth. Only a handful of humans remain."

"No shit. You're the first I've seen. Where the hell you been?"

Another blur stomped in disgust. "Mind your tongue, girl! You will address Colonel Katsuragi with respect!"

"Ritsuko!"

Katsuragi. That was it. Mari smirked. Her brain buzzed with activity, despite the drugs deadening its performance. "Misato Katsuragi?" she repeated. "Daughter of Dr. Katsuragi, developer of the Super Solenoid Theory? How nice to meet such a personable celebrity."

Did this mean she was back at NERV after all? Something didn't add up.

Colonel Katsuragi straightened. "NERV as you know it no longer exists. It's a shell of itself—a terrorist cell bent on exterminating the last of the human race."

Ah. So Ikari stuck to the plan. Begin the Third Impact, and after that...

Mari prompted, "And you all are...?"

Colonel Kisaragi answered, her voice deepening with gravity. "We are WILLE, an organization dedicated to the destruction of NERV's Evas. You are aboard the AAA _Wunder_, flagship of our fleet."

"Misato!" Ritsuko spluttered.

"I have no choice," Misato muttered. "We've acquired Unit-02, but we lack a pilot. We can't heap all the responsibility on Asuka."

Ritsuko bowed her head.

Mari broke out in a smirk. "You want me to pilot the Eva, don't you?"

There was uncomfortable silence. More shuffling papers.

"We're offering you a chance," said Colonel Katsuragi, "and a choice. Pilot the Eva for us, for WILLE, or go back to starving on your own, waiting for NERV to save you."

Tempting options.

Assuming her most charming demeanor, Mari lilted, "Look, Misato—I can call you Misato, can't I?—it's a juicy deal and all, but what if I refuse?"

"You won't."

Without another word, Misato turned and left. Her staff filed after her.

Mari stared at the ceiling.

Damn her. Misato was right. No matter what, Mari would pilot the Eva. She didn't care why, who she worked for, or what she fought. She would pilot because she could.

One other person remained in the room. A red blur lingered in the doorway, arms folded. As the blur strode closer, Mari recognized the red plugsuit. The other pilot. Asuka.

Mari was satisified to see she wore a sling.

"Have you come to adopt me too?" Mari sighed.

Before, Asuka's anger boiled, but it seemed to have cooled to a light simmer.

"Listen to me, _freak_," Asuka hissed, teeth gritted. "I don't like you, and I don't plan to. But if Misato says we're working together, you're going to have to buckle down and deal with it. I follow her orders, you follow mine. Just stay out of my way. You got that?" She extended her hand in a truce.

Mari shrugged and rattled her handcuffs. Asuka awkwardly withdrew her hand.

Above deck, klaxons blared. The ship's intercom whined to life. "All units clear the loading bay. Evangelion Unit-02 prepped for launch. Calling Asuka Shikinami Langley. Asuka. Where are you, Asuka?"

Mari laughed. "Asuka Shikinami Langley? What kind of name is that?"

Asuka scowled in return. "What kind of name is Illustrious?"

"Must've got it from your parents," Mari continued. "The German and the Japanese mental patient. Eh? Am I right?"

The only noises in the room were the beep of the heart monitor and the steady plink of the IV drip.

The radio roared—"Incoming!"

A tremendous splash shook the ship. They rolled over a giant wave.

"Target inbound," cried the radio operator, "and moving fast! Target is—"

Misato's voice cut in. "Asuka, get over here! We need you _now_!"

With a snort of contempt, Asuka turned toward the door.

"She handles well. Unit-02."

Asuka froze. She turned around. "What did you say?"

Mari could tell she'd struck a nerve. "When I was in her, Unit-02 piloted like a dream. Synchronized well, I guess. I would've liked to have known the person inside the Eva. We might've gotten along.

"From what I've read, she was tough, your mother. Never cried. Not even when they stripped off her soul and put it in Unit-02."

Asuka stalked toward the bed.

"After a year apart, you two can finally get some bonding time." Mari sighed. "I'm jealous. Hard as I try, my synch rates'll never get as high as yours. It's not my fault. She died when I was being born. But because of her, NERV rejected me as a pilot, over and over again. My mother's de—"

Snarling, Asuka grabbed Mari by the lapel and hauled her up. Buttons popped on the back of Mari's gown. She wondered if she should feel afraid, but the drugs in her blood said not to bother.

Asuka pulled Mari so close Mari could smell her breath. Her blue eye blazed with rage.

"If you..._EVER_...mention my mother again..._I'll kill you_." She flung Mari back against the bed. The cuffs clinked.

Asuka stormed out of the room.

Mari giggled. She won the conversation.

She lay back to rest, voices swirling inside her head.

"Pilot the Eva_._"_—_"Let's make a deal."—"I hate you."—"My mother's dead."—"Pilot the Eva."—"_I'll kill you._"—"Let's make a deal."—"_I'll kill you...__I'LL KILL YOU_!"

_Kill...kill..._

Mari's eyes flashed open.

These people wanted her help. They were the enemies of NERV. But Nerv was gone. They practically raised Mari. Could she betray her other mother?

The boy and the pale girl disappeared with the Third Impact. One other pilot remained.

Asuka Shikinami Langley.

The ship heaved over another wave, its hull groaning.

Mari's door burst open, and Dr. Ritsuko Akagi marched inside. She knelt to unlock Mari's cuffs.

Mari raised her head. "Misato change her mind?"

Dr. Akagi scowled. She flung clothes on the bed. Mari's pink plugsuit, washed and polished. "Put it on. We sortie Unit-08 in ten minutes."

Mari nearly exploded with excitement. Somehow she maintained her mask of indifference. "All right." She massaged her raw wrists and wiped her glasses.

She slipped out of the hospital gown and into her plugsuit. At the press of a button, the suit shrunk to fit her skin.

"Oh, about Unit-08. If I'm to pilot it, I have a request."

Dr. Akagi nodded tersely. "Speak it."

Mari grinned. "Paint it pink."


	3. Parricide

"Oh, this is so damn exciting!"

The smell of fresh LCL. The tangy taste in her mouth. The data flashing on the screen. The feel of a strong young Eva at her fingertips.

Mari flexed her fingers, stretching her arms and legs to fill the cockpit. "Ah, it's good to be back. Hello, Unit-08. Pleased to meet you."

The intercom crackled. "Come in, Unit-08—Mari, do you read?"

Mari sighed. "Yes, colonel, loud and clear. Get me out there already!"

Misato said nothing to her.

"All systems green. Unit-08, launch!"

Screeching up the treads, Mari's Eva shot up from the ship.

Mari soared into the sky and splashed down on the shore. First thing, she surveyed her surroundings. She stood on a beach strewn with ruins, while WILLE's fleet floated offshore. There must have been a city here once. Shanghai, if Mari remembered her geography.

The blood-red water lapped at her Eva's ankles as she waded inland.

"Deploying weapon," said the radio voice, "in three...two...one..."

Catapulted from the ship, an assault rifle landed in the sand beside Mari. She picked it up, dusted it off, and nestled it in the crook of her elbow.

Apart from twisted wreckage, the beach was empty. "C'mon," Mari muttered, "where's this thing I'm killing?"

"Three hundred meters, and closing fast! Get out of there!"

Mari leaped aside as a gray hulk hurtled past her.

"An Eva?" she gasped.

"Mass-Production Evas, equipped with S² engines," said Misato grimly. "Nerv's dirty little secret. Made to replace human pilots, but too dangerous to use in the field. Kill them all!"

"Don't have to tell me twice!"

Snarling and slavering, the gray Eva swerved around to charge again.

Mari leveled her assault rifle. "Evas fighting Evas...feels wrong, somehow." She opened fire.

The automatic rounds bounced off the Eva's chest plating. Arms dragging behind, the Eva sprinted toward Mari and locked grips with her. As the Evas jockeyed for dominance, the gray Eva stretched its neck toward her, teeth gnashing.

"Replace us with _these_ monsters?" Mari muttered. "The nerve!"

She let go and let the gray Eva rush past her.

She fired again. The assault rifle chewed through the ruins, scattering debris, but never landed a clean shot on the gray Eva. The Eva veered around the gunfire and flopped on top of Unit-08. Sprawled over her, the gray Eva spread its jaws to snack on her face.

Mari jabbed the gun barrel in into its mouth. "Eat this, bitch!" She blasted open the back of its skull.

The Eva roared and reared back. Enraged, it clamped its mouth down on the barrel. It bit and ripped off the tip. Mari abandoned her weapon to the Eva's jaws. She scrambled away on knees and elbows while the pain-crazed Eva flailed blindly. One swipe of its massive hands sent her sprawling. Unit-08 rolled, jarring Mari. Before she could get up, the gray Eva straddled her Eva. Its slack mouth disgorged gobs of gore onto her viewscreen.

"Missionary position, huh? You're one persistent bastard...!"

Mari thrust up Unit-08's hands and grabbed the gray Eva by the throat. She cackled, relishing the visceral squish of crushed cartilage. The gray Eva writhed in her grip. It clawed in vain at Unit-08's forearms. Its fingers scratched through the plate armor, digging into flesh...

Mari screamed as if a white-hot razor were scraping off her skin.

With one last wrench, she snapped the gray Eva's neck. It fell limp over top of Unit-08.

Panting, gasping, Mari shuffled out from under the gray Eva. She wiped the blood off her chin and licked the rest off her lips. Mari stood victorious over her broken enemy.

"BO-RING."

A boulder smashed into Unit-08, knocking over Mari and knocking out the power.

Two more gray Evas lurked by the beach, hunched like monkeys, chucking hunks of junk at WILLE's waiting fleet. When the Evas scored a hit, the ships belched black smoke.

Unit-08's power flickered back on. When she saw them, Mari grinned. "Oh goodie, there's more."

"At least you could help out, damn four-eyes!"

Unit-02 leaped out of hiding to tackle one of the gray Evas. They grappled, bodies twisting and thrashing. Unit-02 was in bad shape—its movement jerky, its plates dented, its face disfigured.

Mari drew her progressive knife to take out the other Eva.

Clambering on all fours like a beast, the other gray Eva slammed into her lower half with its full weight. Unit-08's right leg snapped.

Mari stumbled back, favoring her good leg. She readied her knife to strike, but the gray Eva grabbed both her wrists. Unit-08 teetered forward, toward the gray Eva. Once Mari fell into range, the Eva set to mauling her abdomen.

Mari ripped out of its grip and plunged the knife into the gray Eva's spinal column. It leaped back, but sprang again. Mari was ready. She slid the progressive knife into its open mouth. She sliced the gray Eva open from cheek to hip. Coils of intestines spilled out, pink and steaming. Defeated, the enemy Eva collapsed at her feet.

Mari only sighed.

"Unit-08, report!" Misato shouted. "Unit-08! Mari!"

"Fine and dandy," Mari replied, chuckling weakly. "Could use a break by now. A cup of tea, maybe cupcakes, and lemon frosting..."

"And Asuka?"

Mari glanced over at Unit-02. It still stood, and it stood still. Splattered with Eva blood, sagging on the last dregs of its internal battery. Asuka stood in the mangled remains of the third Eva.

"Hey. Four-eyes." Asuka choked. "Good job."

"Ha!" Mari laughed. "Did you see that last one? Cut him open like a Christmas turkey! And how much practice did I need to get that right? Zilch! I've had fewer hours in the battle simulator than I've had birthdays. Pure talent, that. Really, I should—"

"WATCH OUT!"

A bloody gray arm slumped over Unit-08's shoulder. A gray Eva loomed behind, head lolling on a broken neck. The Eva's arms pinned Unit-08 in a deadly embrace.

Below, the gutted Eva slithered around Unit-08's feet and locked the legs together.

"W-what?" Mari cried. "Why didn't they die?"

"What's happening out there?" Misato demanded.

Asuka screamed bloody murder.

The mangled Eva crawled up, gnawing at Unit-02's ankles, pawing at its thighs. Still screaming, Asuka bashed in the Eva's skull with a swift kick. With a second kick, she punted its head to the other side of the beach. Wriggling free of the gray Eva's grasp, Asuka scrambled to help Unit-08.

"Hang on, I'm coming!"

"Just...fucking...great!"

Mari struggled in vain as the gutted Eva pried the progressive knife out of her hand. While the Eva with the broken neck held Unit-08, the gutted Eva took the knife and stabbed upward. Into her groin.

Pain flamed through Mari's body.

"Hold still!"

Unit-02's charging fist clocked the Eva with the broken neck. It released Unit-08. Asuka stomped on the gutted Eva's arm and relieved it of its knife—the Eva limped away, arm dangling uselessly. With another punch, Asuka sent the gutted Eva yowling into the red sea.

Mari trembled. Every nerve in her body screamed in agony. She retched into the fluid-filled cockpit.

"Four-eyes, you all right?"

They'll just keep coming. No matter what we do to them, they'll get up and go at us again.

Her skin tingled. Her breath came in sharp gasps. "No more games!" Mari growled. "_Unit-08, release power limiter. Code name...The Beast_!"

Nothing happened.

Mari blinked. "What? It...doesn't come with that feature?"

The gutted Eva splashed in the shallows as it struggled to stand.

Mari gritted her teeth. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to do it _myself_!"

"Look out, ladies!" said the voice on the radio. "Support fire inbound!"

The fleet's cannons flared, and a storm of shells whistled toward the shore. As Unit-02 threw off the mangled Eva, a shell smacked into the gray Eva's chest. There was a tremendous explosion. When the smoke cleared, charred chunks of Eva littered the beach.

Mari dove onto the gutted gray Eva and tore at it with Unit-08's teeth. A wave of red water washed over them. Hissing, Unit-08 shoved the other Eva's head below the water. The gray Eva kicked—it thrashed, and thrashed, and thrashed, weaker every time. Its strength died. Bit by bit. It fell silent with a feeble gurgle.

The Eva with the broken neck lurched at Unit-08. Mari scooped it up and slung the gray Eva's body across her shoulders. She pulled down. Bones cracked, skin split, blood squirted. Given a final tug, the gray Eva tore in two. Stringy guts slopped out and draped over Unit-08 like a grotesque necklace.

Mari flung the separate halves into the ocean. Her head thumping with blind rage, she mounted the torso to pound the carcass into pulp.

Unit-02 grabbed her punch before the next hit. "That's enough!" Asuka snapped. "Fall back!"

Spewing curses, Mari turned on Asuka. Unit-08's throttled Unit-02. Asuka gasped for air...

Misato's voice—"Maya, the kill switch!"

"Aye, ma'am!"

And the cockpit of Unit-08 went black. Mari hung limp, wild-eyed, numb with rage.

Her Eva fell in the sea with a crash and a splash.

"All targets neutralized." Asuka. "Negligible damage to Unit-02 and Unit-08, but Unit-08 needs more serious repairs." Asuka. Damn her. Damn her, Asuka! "Proceeding back to base. Mission complete."

Damn her...


	4. Patricide

**Author's Corner**: _Happy Father's Day! What better way to celebrate a Hallmark holiday than a smidgen of Freudian quackery? A note for returning readers: this chapter has been published before, but has since been revised and expanded. If you'd rather not reread the first half, feel free to skip to the line about "pilfered panties." And for everyone else: enjoy everything!_

* * *

Mari lay back in her bunk, idly playing with her bandages while pretending not to hear the heated conversation outside her room.

"You want me to WHAT?!"

"You heard me, Asuka. You and the new pilot will share quarters until you learn to work together."

"But Misato, I—"

"That's an order. And you are to address me as _captain_."

"She tried to _kill—_"

"_Asuka_." Misato drew a deep breath. "Have you heard of the Hedgehog's Dilemma?"

"Yeah, only a couple hundred times. We've been over this before. The closer people get to each other, the more they end up hurting each other. But I'm nothing like Shin—"

"I never said you were. What I mean is, people have spines. And there are people who would use those spines to intentionally hurt one another. Like that girl in there."

"We call them assholes."

"That would be the crass term, yes. To make my point, she's brilliant. Too smart for her own good. And with that level of intelligence comes a degree of narcissism. If there were any psychologists left, they'd diagnose her with antisocial personality disorder. She uses and abuses other people to pursue her pleasures, regardless of the purity of others' intentions, and without the slightest weight on her conscience. And the ones nearest to her end up getting hurt the most."

"Not sure where you're going with this, but okay, whatever."

"It is mankind's curse to hurt the ones who love us most. If God came into the world to save mankind, we'd kill him just to see if we could." She paused. "I'm not asking you to get close to her. God help you if you do that. All I want is for you to _try_. Are we clear?"

"Yes, captain..."

The door kicked open. Asuka stormed inside with a box of underthings and other things. She dropped the box by the bed and slammed the door. Mari noted how odd Asuka looked in short-shorts and a T-shirt. Not _bad _odd, just odd.

"Listen up, _you_," Asuka growled. "I don't want any trouble. But if Misato says we're sharing living space, goddamn it, we're going through with it." She yanked open a dresser drawer and started stuffing her stuff inside. "It's a few weeks till our next operation. I'm watching you, in case you get it in your head to try anything funny. I'm in charge here—no complaints. No weird stuff, either. I don't swing that way."

"Never crossed my mind," Mari replied. She nodded the bunk below her. "You want the top or the bottom?"

Asuka ground her teeth but said nothing.

The first few days were tolerable.

That is, until the laundry started to pile up.

One morning, Asuka was brushing her hair by the mirror. "Hey, four-eyes. Clean up your mess."

Mari poked her head out of her cot. "What mess?"

"You want a list? Laundry's full. Trash overflowing. We're out of toothpaste. _And_ there's hair in the sink."

"That could be anyone's."

"It's _brown_!"

"Look, if you've got a problem, you deal with it. Ritsuko had me running synch tests all last night. I'm too tired to handle your crap."

Asuka pulled on a sweatshirt. "This room had better be beautiful by the time I get back."

"Piss off."

"_That_'s it!"

Asuka threw on the light. Groaning, Mari retreated under the blanket.

"If you wanna live in a dump, that's fine!" Asuka said. "I want no part of it. Unless you start helping out around here, I'm reporting you to Misato."

"Go ahead. Cry to Mummy."

Asuka snapped and flung the brush from her hand—it cracked the mirror. "I...am...TRYING...to live with you. But I won't put up with you forever. One more smartass comment, and I'll have you kicked off the ship."

"Better smartass than dumbass."

Stretching her jaws in a yawn, Mari swung her legs out of bed. Asuka glanced askance, seeing that Mari slept "in the buff."

Mari rubbed her eyes. "Whatever. It's hard to get any sleep with you bitching."

"You think I have it easy, with your snoring?"

"And you, crying yourself to sleep every night?"

There was nothing more to say. Asuka snatched up her plugsuit and stormed out.

Stifling another yawn, Mari went to use the loo. As advertised, it was filthy. Maybe dumbass had a point.

Oh well. Not like Mari had anything better to do today.

Wearing her most charming bathrobe and slippers, Mari waited outside her door for a handsome sailor to wander by.

There was only the pudgy, dumpy techie with thick round glasses. He trudged down the hall, head down, eyes sad, hands in his pockets. He'll have to do, Mari thought.

As he passed, Mari blocked his path with a sleek bare leg. "Hey, handsome." She smiled to restrain a snicker. "You ever been in a girl's room before?"

The poor man was taken aback. He stammered and babbled, but Mari snatched him by the tie and led him on. "C'mon. Nobody has to know."

She flung open the door. The stench hit him like a concrete wall. He covered his face, gagging.

"Sure, the place could use some atmosphere," Mari admitted. Tugging the man close, she whispered in his ear, "If you fix it up for me, I'll give you a se-cret pres-ent..."

He swallowed.

He cleaned like a fiend.

When every corner of the room sparkled with cleanliness, Mari nodded in approval. "Good job. Only took two hours less than I thought it would."

He twiddled his fingers. "Um, I, er, uh..."  
"Oh, right. Your reward. Hold out your hand."

And Mari presented...a pair of Asuka's lacy red panties. Slightly used.

The young man scratched his head.

"It can get awfully lonely out at sea," Mari said with a knowing smirk. "Consider this my thanks."

He didn't leave right away, but simply stood there simpering, fidgeting.

Mari arched an eyebrow. "What, you weren't expecting anything from me, were you? I'm underage, moron. Get out."

He left as crestfallen as he came.

Later, Asuka was impressed how the room magically became clean. And it even remained clean, although Asuka noticed that her stock of unmentionables kept disappearing.

"Wouldn't want to bungle the fate of humanity over a clogged sink," Mari replied, and she resumed playing Asuka's handheld video game system.

But Mari's stay wasn't all peace and pilfered panties.

Mari was enjoying a lonely lunch chipping away at the cafeteria's mashed potatoes, about as tasty as mud pies stuffed with rocks, when the cafeteria's intercom fizzled to life.

"This is the captain speaking. Both Eva pilots, Mari Illustrious Makinami and Asuka Langley Shikinami, must report immediately to the bridge. That's an order."

The crew in the cafeteria stopped to steal looks at Mari. Ignoring the attention, she put down her spoon and went.

The bridge was a big dim room packed with flashing monitors. The lucky technicians who got to stare at them were planted on elevated platforms, fingers tapping, typing away. Mari marveled at this masterwork of technology, then resumed her usual bland boredom.

Vice-Captain Akagi stood by a wall of monitors, papers in hand. Captain Katsuragi paced on the bridge, hat in hand, coat swishing. It struck Mari how tired they both looked. As Mari approached, their conversation drifted into earshot.

"...not ready. We should have waited, Ritsuko. Spent more time preparing."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody could have been ready for what we saw that day. For what we've seen in the past year. It's thanks to you that the resistance is even half what it is now."

"Someone could have done it better."

"Misato. They trusted you with _Wunder. _This ship will save us all."

"It's not ready either. You remember the chaos after the Near–Third Impact, when WILLE was just a motley pack of NERV's dregs. The builders rushed its production schedule, bypassed countless safety checks, all to speed up the war effort. Then they handed the most advanced vessel in human history to an inexperienced captain."

"Because they believe in you."

"Because they have to believe in _something_. Even a washed-out colonel and a couple of angst-ridden teenagers."

"You mean the pilots? They're stronger than you believe."

"We'll see, after today."

Mari crept closer, steps clanking on the steel floor. "Um...you sent for me?"

"Sit down, Mari," said Misato wearily, indicating a folding chair. "You too, Asuka."

Asuka melted out of the shadows, hands shoved in the pockets of the jacket she wore over her plugsuit. Fresh from her tests, Mari guessed. "I'll stand, thanks," Asuka said tightly.

"What's this about?" Mari asked. She glanced from Misato, to Ritsuko, then to Asuka. All three avoided her gaze, like they all knew something she didn't. That irked her. "Oh, I get it. This is another scolding session for my 'disruptive conduct' during the Shanghai operation, isn't it?"

"That matter is _closed_," Misato snapped, sharper than even she expected. She pulled off her glasses. Her eyes shone with sorrow, warmth, and even motherly love. Mari was getting creeped out.

"Mari," Ritsuko began, "have you noticed any...unusual side effects from piloting the Eva?"

"Aside from the suits riding up?" Mari scratched her backside. "Not really. Why?"

Asuka took a deep breath. "Tell her, Misato. Tell her everything."

The captain hesitated. Then she spoke, clear and deep and full of regret. "As you know, NERV handpicked the pilots for the Evangelion project from a wide pool of candidates."

Ah, avoiding the question. If even Misato was this uncomfortable, this thing must be serious. "Go on," Mari said slowly.

"We chose the Children based on many criteria. Most importantly, they must be born after the Second Impact. That day changed everything, down to the core composition of the human soul. Only those born after the Second Impact can pilot the Eva. We do not know why.

"Furthermore, the potential Children must meet rigorous requirements even to become eligible for selection—the recruiters insisted on mental, physical, tactial excellence. Borderline perfection."

"Or, like some idiots, a doting dad looking out for his boy," Asuka muttered, out of Misato's earshot but not Mari's.

Misato regarded Mari and Asuka. "Overall, you pilots have exceeded expectations. Thanks to you, humanity was preserved from the Angels. We suffered minimal casualties, and the Eva pilots survived to save us again." She dodged the topic of the Near–Third Impact—a different sort of disaster, not possible without the Eva.

"Thanks to you, humanity lives on to continue the fight. We cannot say how sorry we are for what these dark times have cost you. You've given up a normal childhood to carry the weight of the world, with the immense expense of severe mental and emotional trauma. No human should suffer what you've been through. So we thank you, Asuka, Mari, for your sacrifice."

Mari's palms itched. Trauma? The most she'd suffered was _annoyance _when her targets refused to die when she wanted them to. How could she forget the thrill of the fight, the rush of strength when her Eva spurted blood and pain seared her body past its limits and the enemy kept coming. She just screamed for more, more, more. Angst? What angst?

What did Misato want? Mari didn't buy it. She asked, "Why are you saying all this?"

Misato stopped. She couldn't bring herself to say any more.

Here Ritsuko stepped in, her expression pained. "We've compiled and compared the data since the very day you first piloted an Eva, Mari in Unit-05 and Asuka in the prototype Unit-02. The results match. Mari, Asuka—since the instant you entered the Eva, neither of you has aged one day."

Silence filled the room. Asuka turned away. Mari's mouth hung slightly ajar. "So, what are you saying? We're not getting any older?"

"Exactly." Ritsuko smiled grimly. The thumbed through a pile of files in her hands. "We've developed many theories as to why this is. Perhaps proximity to the Eva core stunts production of the growth hormone, or the LCL solution revitalizes cells so they cease dividing. Frankly, we don't know. Whatever the reason, as long as you pilot the Eva, no matter how many years pass, you will never grow beyond fourteen."

The only noise on the bridge was the ship thrumming beneath their feet, and the technicians typing especially loudly so as not to hear the rest.

A smile crept up Mari's face. "Well, so what? Shouldn't we be happier about this? Congratulations, you've discovered immortality! Go on, pile everybody into the Eva, let's stay young forever!"

"It's not that simple," Misato said sharply. "The process Ritsuko explained stems from resonance with the Eva's core—synchronization as in the heat of battle. Not everyone can achieve sufficient synch rates, and even fewer can withstand the cruel pain caused by closeness to an Eva's soul. That's why pilots are so rare."

"It's a curse," Asuka muttered. "Bullshit. It's a curse!" She slammed her fist into the plated steel wall—the blow rang in the air. "How could you do this to us? Not only must we give up our lives, but we have to give up our futures too? Go on, tell us more! Tell us how we'll never grow old, or grow breasts, or get to live like normal people? We're freaks! Will we ever even have children? You expect us to live in a stupid child's body until the day we die?"

Ritsuko explained, "We didn't know about this side effect, and we believe it only applies with frequent immersion in the LCL solution..."

"You swore to give your life for NERV," said Misato coldly. "You swore—"

"Shut up! Just...shut up!" Asuka turned her back on Misato.

"We understand how you must feel," Misato said. Asuka bit back a bitter chuckle. "This war has cost you dearly. That's why we must bring the fight to them. The offspring must rise against the parent. To take revenge on NERV, the father of the Eva series. To make them pay for what they did to you, and to the world. That's why you must pilot the—"

"Shut up!" Asuka shouted. "It's _over_! I'm not getting in that _thing_ ever again!"

She stomped out.

Flustered, Ritsuko went after her. "Asuka! Asuka!"

"Give it a rest," Mari muttered. "She's as good as gone."

It was a relief to Mari to see Asuka angry at something besides her. Although, it also surprised Mari how little she cared in comparison. So she was stuck with the brains and breasts of a rather precocious teenager. Big deal. She'd still get to pilot.

If only she really felt that way.

Feelings weren't that simple.

Mari turned to leave as well.

"Wait," Misato rasped. "We have more tests to—"

"Shove it."

Mari left the bridge in search of Asuka.


	5. Regicide

**Author's Corner**: _A tad late, but here all the same. Now let's celebrate teenage rebellion!_

* * *

Misato's authority crumbled.

First Asuka refused to show up for tests. Then Mari. Then when the captain called on the crew to scour the ship for the pilots, they hopped from _Wunder_ to another ship in the fleet.

Little things. Petty things. And there was nothing Misato could do, Mari knew. How can you punish your last hope?

When Mari flouted an order in front of the captain, Misato coldly dismissed Mari from the bridge. Asuka went with her.

The strain showed plain on the captain's face.

Ritsuko stationed guards outside the pilots' room, to monitor them always. The security didn't last—Mari found a way out the vent, until Misato blocked that too.

Ritsuko accused Asuka of conspiring with Mari, a known dissident. "We're _bonding_," Asuka sneered. "Wasn't that my order?"

Mari was impressed how easily WILLE's pet pilot adjusted to the delinquent lifestyle.

But that didn't stop Asuka from crying at night. In act, it got worse.

Mari lay awake in the dark, listening.

"Mama," Asuka murmured, in between sobs, "Mama!"

Mari groaned. She tried stuffing her ears, or hiding her head under her pillow, or simply willing the noise away. Still she couldn't sleep.

She hissed, "Yo! Princess! Wake up!"

Asuka sniffled, snuffled, and sucked in a waking breath. "What?"

"You were doing it again."

"Doing _what_ again?"

"You know what I mean." Mari clambered down from her bunk and squatted beside Asuka's. "That thing. It's hard to sleep louder than you sob."

Asuka became quiet. "Oh. That thing."

Slowly, hesitantly, Mari reached out. She entwined her finger's with Asuka's. When Asuka didn't pull away, Mari squeezed. Softly, gently. Once, twice. A sign of comfort—one that says, _I'm here for you._An unfamiliar feeling that left Mari uncomfortable.

"It's hard, isn't it," Mari murmured, "bearing the weight of the world on your shoulders."

"Yeah. Sometimes."

Mari paused. What else was there to say? "Makes you wonder if the world's worth saving. If they have to entrust it to stupid little kids like us."

"Yeah." Asuka swallowed. "I think I'm starting to understand what that idiot Shinji felt. Hating the Eva, always wanting to run away. I've never felt that way in my life. Not till I found out what my Eva was doing to me."

_Grow a spine, Princess. Don't you say everybody's got them? _"Eternal youth," Mari said. "Seems too good to be true." She chuckled. "Or too true to be good."

Asuka let the silence linger.

"Stay with me," she said at last. "Until I fall asleep."

_Or die._

Mari stayed. She held her hand until Asuka slipped into sweet sleep.

Their room was dark, but slivers of light peeked under the door. Looking at Asuka's sleeping face, Mari could tell that this girl wasn't a killer at heart. Just another child lost in the world, broken, hurt, utterly alone.

_Like me?_

_No. I'm a killer. And I'm not sorry for it._

Mari stood up. She'd make them pay for what they did. To her, and Asuka. They'll be sorry they ever made Evangelion.

She would run away.

Mari slipped into her pink plugsuit and left the room.

The guards stopped her, shoving a barrel into her ribs—oh, so they carried guns now. "What do you think you're doing?" the armed guard snapped.

Mari shoved him off. "Going potty." She made her voice gravelly, as if she'd just woken up. She blinked blearily and faked a yawn. "The one in there's stopped up. _Someone_ didn't do his job." The other guard fidgeted—another of Mari's recurring cleanup clients.

The guard with the gun creased his forehead. "And the suit?"

"I sleep nude. You got a problem?"

He backed off. "Easy. We don't want any trouble." He motioned to his companion. "You, go with her. Make sure she doesn't sneak off anywhere."

"Why me?" the other guard muttered, but he did what he was told.

As she strolled down the hall, Mari remarked loudly to her guard how much she loved living on a ship with all these cute guys. The guard stared straight ahead, not responding. A vein in his neck bulged and pulsed. Deep purple bags hung under his puffy red eyes. He looked like he could use a nap.

It took three elbows to the face to knock him out.

Mari stashed the body in the bathroom at the end of the hall. She kept the light on to deter intruders, then dismantled the gun and put the pieces in the septic tank.

She swaggered out like nothing was amiss.

Mari crept down _Wunder_'s corridors, ducking the guards, sticking to the wall, slinking in the shadows. A crackling sound shivered through the ship's whole hull, masking her escape. But a bitter cold bit even to the heart of the ship. Mari hugged her chest to keep warm. Where were they?

She found Unit-02 in a holding tank of LCL, practically unguarded. The light was on in Ritsuko Akagi's office, so Mari proceeded with caution.

She crept up the catwalk and slunk into Unit-02's entry plug. It slid in with a hiss. Unlike most, Mari knew how to initiate the launch sequence from inside the Eva.

Sad, though. She'd grown somewhat attached to Unit-08 during their last battle. However, Unit-08 was still recovering from its damage. And then there was the kill switch to consider.

The Eva powered up. "Hello again, Unit-02," Mari said. "Miss me?"

It shuddered—it was ready to go.

A crude map flashed on her viewscreen. Mari selected a destination from a scrolling list of coordinates. The Arctic Ocean? So that was pack ice _Wunder _was plowing through.

Mari found they were not far from the coast of Siberia. She chose a place, and the Eva launched.

The rockets flared to life, and the ceiling opened with a chilly blast.

Ritsuko Akagi burst from her office, shouting and waving and flailing her arms. Mari couldn't hear her. She waved back.

"See ya, suckers!"

The holding towers released—unrestrained, Unit-02 splashed down into its tank. The wave of LCL swept the catwalk, drenching Dr. Akagi.

Powered by a rocket pack, Unit-02 lifted off into the dark arctic night.

_Wunder_ and the fleet shrank to specks of light on the flat black plane.

_I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away._ The phrase played through Mari's mind for reasons inexplicable. Traces of another psyche in the Eva's consciousness? Likely. Like Asuka, Mari never harbored such radical notions as caution or cowardice.

_Then what do you call what you're doing now, genius?_

Mari eased the thrusters as the Eva arced over the Arctic Ocean. The gloomy wastes of Siberia loomed ahead. Ice. Miles and miles of bare red ice. Unit-02's N² reactor should hold out in the cold, but Mari wanted to get south as soon as she could. Find food and shelter.

Red ice. Even here, the remote arctic, showed signs of the Near–Third Impact.

_None of this would've happened if I hadn't plunked that stupid boy back in the cockpit._

The thought rose unbidden. Like most other unbidden thoughts, Mari ignored it.

When fuel depleted, the rockets jettisoned. A parachute flowered from the Eva's back. As it descended at an angle, Unit-02 hit the ground running. The ice cracked and crackled beneath the Eva's feet—not as thick as Mari hoped. It should hold, but she'd best not dally.

Mari slowed to a brisk walk. In this fierce cold, the Eva's metal plates contracted and constricted. It hobbled jerkily, frozen skin crunching.

"Bear with it, Unit-02. We've made it through worse together, haven't we?"

The Eva marched onward.

Over the next hour, Mari achieved a degree of monotony. Step-crunch, step-crunch. To stave off sleep, she recited mathematical principles, from Newton to Pascal to Lobachevsky, then quoted _Julius Caesar_ from memory until she got bored. Most of her education consisted of dozing off while the teacher prattled on about things Mari already found out on her own. The head-bobbing returned to her. Damn muscle memory.

So she was back on her own. No WILLE, no NERV. No authority but her own survival. The loneliness was liberating.

"I didn't think getting away would be this easy," she said aloud. "I didn't think WILLE would just let me go like that. If I'd known before, I would've—"

She froze. Unit-02 crunched to a halt, its engine ticking.

That sound. Under the howling wind, over the crunching ice. Far away, coming closer. A familiar sound, not good at all. Clicking, whirring...

Choppers.

Mari spun around. A squad of military helicopters plied the blue-black sky, approaching, encroaching, ever so slowly.

WILLE. Here to take her back.

Mari broke into a full sprint. The metal slabs she had for feet skidded on the ice, splitting, spitting chunks, rumbling everywhere around her.

A spotlight engulfed her. Mari ran, and ran, and ran.

"Pilot of Unit-02." Her radio—she'd forgotten to turn it off. "Don't make this any harder than it needs to be. Stand down, and we won't hurt you or your Eva." The voice sounded about as tired as Mari felt.

Mari took the radio and answered the best way she knew how.

"Not a chance in fucking hell!"

That didn't go over well.

"All right," the tired voice said. "Drop her."

An Eva tumbled from a carrier helicopter and slammed into the ice. As it dashed toward Mari, she glimpsed it in the spotlight—eight bright green eyes, pink skin. Nice paint job.

"Dammit, four-eyes, you always gotta do things the hard way."

Asuka?!

Her Unit-08 collided with Mari's Unit-02—Mari reeled but stayed upright.

"I really don't wanna do this right now," Asuka said wearily, even as she pulled Mari into a chokehold, "and I don't think you do either. Why don't you come quietly so we can all get back to bed?"

Mari wasn't tired. Not in the least. Actually, she brimmed with energy—she tapped her fingers on the controls, tossed her head to keep her hair out of her eyes, pushed up her glasses when they slid down her nose and couldn't seem to fit comfortably no matter how many times she adjusted them they would slip back to the exact same spot just to aggravate her all the more and she—

Mari clenched her teeth. "Go to hell."

"Fine." Asuka sighed. "You asked for it."

Unit-02 swung its fist to deck Unit-08 in the temple. Asuka parried the attack easily, lazily, and shot a chop to Unit-02's neck. While Asuka focused on the upper body, Mari blew out Unit-08's knee with a well-placed kick. As Unit-08 fell to a kneel, Asuka landed an uppercut on Unit-02's sternum. The chest plate dented—Mari paid no heed. She hammered her clasped fists onto Unit-08's head. The skull cracked. Or was that the ice?

Unit-08's howls of pain sent chills through Mari's stomach. She'd hurt her Eva! No. No, she told herself, not my Eva anymore. Heart singing, eyes stinging, Mari whirled her arms around and boxed Unit-08's ears. Dizzy and disoriented, Unit-08 collapsed on its back.

But Mari felt no thrill of victory.

Unit-08's good leg curled up to smack heel-first into Unit-02's gut. The hit landed, but Mari caught the kick and twisted the foot, rolling Unit-08 onto its belly. With a mighty push, Unit-08 shoved against the ground—the Eva flew to its feet and smashed into Unit-02. Both units collapsed with a crash.

The ice rumbled and crumbled.

Asuka and Mari sensed the ground give way.

"Uh-oh."

"Oh, fuck."

Unit-02 and Unit-08 plunged into the frigid ocean. Cursing, Mari scrabbled at the edge of the hole, clawing for a handhold—she only broke off more chunks. Asuka cried out, hyperventilating. Kicking feebly, the Evas sank into the abyss.

Mari's heart thudded in her ears. As the pressure mounted, the LCL in her plug grew thick like soup. Frozen soup. Crushing cold restricted her breathing.

As she sank, her Eva's exoskeleton creaked and crumpled. The creature beneath the armor groaned and gurgled. The darkness bubbled all around them.

"Hey. Four-eyes."

Huh. So the radio still worked, even at this depth, with everything else dead and gone. Way to go, NERV R&D.

Mari answered. "Yeah, Princess?"

"You're an idiot. I hope you die knowing that."

Unit-02's cockpit dimmed and darkened, leaving Mari in the black.

Mari choked out a chuckle. "Put out the light, and then put out the light. If I quench thee, thou flaming minister, I can again thy former light restore. But once put out thy light, thou cunning'st pattern of excelling nature, I know not where is that Promethean heat that can again thy light relume."

"The hell's that?"

"_Othello_, Act V, Scene 2—a reflection on the permanence of death. If I'm going to die, I'd rather my last words be more memorable than 'You're an idiot.'"

Asuka had to laugh at that. "I hope you make it through this. When you get back, you're gonna be in so much trouble..."

The transmission fizzled out. The Evas disentangled and drifted apart. Mari floated alone in a sea of nothing.

Down, down, down.

The darkness closed in around Mari. Her head ached from the tremendous pressure.

She could never tell how long she fell.

Unit-02 settled on the bottom with a dull thud. There it lay, still and silent.

_So this is how it ends. Not burning out in a blaze of glory, not wallowing in my own shit on a hospital bed, but here. Lost at the bottom of the sea. Cold, alone, trapped in the crushing black oblivion._

Mari swallowed a sob.

She never wanted it to end this way.

It wasn't _supposed _to end this way.

She waited to die. Waited, and waited, and waited.

Will I starve first? Or freeze to death? Will the LCL congeal and drown me? So many ways to die, only one chance to try.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

The long sleep eluded her.

Insomnia.

Mari closed her eyes for just a second...

Something clamped to Unit-02. Something big and metal. It clanked and cranked as it lifted the Eva from the ocean floor.

Mari jerked awake. What? How? The thrum in her eardrums. Magnets? Was WILLE—

Her systems came back online, charged with an infusion of energy. Unit-02 stirred, still alive.

"...to Unit-02. Come in, Unit-02. Do you read?"

Mari grabbed the receiver. "Yes! Yes, _Wunder_, I read!" Shakespeare and Marlowe and Jane fucking Austin, she'd read them all if she could just get back alive!

Mari pumped her fists. Alive! She'd live! Live to fight another day!

And with so many things left in the world to fight...!

"Good." Misato's voice. Full of gravity and judgment, yet a tangible trace of relief. "Mari, you're in so much trouble."


	6. Genocide

**Author's Corner**: _Another chapter revisited, revived, revised! This time, the first half is new, and the last is essentially the same. As Mari grapples further with her decision to serve NERV or WILLE or stick with what's best for herself, her mind falls apart. Faced with such tough choices, even the hardiest decision-makers can meet with indecision. Look at leaders during wartime, or right now, for that matter. Here, we see a mind pushed to its limits, struggling to adapt to a world beyond its sphere of experience, reaching for a friend in troubled times. The cycle escalates from death of family, to the death of authority, to the death of the species itself..._

* * *

Ten days, thirteen hours, forty-seven minutes, six seconds.

As she sat in a padded cell, arms wrapped in a straitjacket, Mari kept close track of time. Her internal clock seldom skipped a second.

In two hours, twelve minutes, forty-five seconds, nice young men in clean white coats would come to bring a tray of so-called food, seat her on a toilet whether she needed it or not, then shove her back into solitary confinement.

It was degrading.

Sprawled on her side, Mari kicked her bare feet into the walls. The world was a bright white blur. They'd confiscated her glasses, out of concern she'd break the lenses and cut herself on glass shards or snap the tips off the earpieces and jam the points into her throat.

_ Idiots. Don't worry about me hurting myself. Be scared of what I'll do to you as soon as I get out of here._

Maybe, when they pulled her from her sunken Eva, she shouldn't have tried to claw out her saviors' eyes.

The longer she spent in a padded cell, the crazier she felt—like she was trapped there, and insanity was the only way out.

_They think I'm a psychopath. Like I'd kill them all if I had the chance. They're wrong. I'd gladly kill them all, but I know __better__. I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research_!

So she stole an Eva. The same one twice, counting the incident with the Tenth Angel. NERV never held it against her. Why did WILLE treat her like a wild beast?

_Because you are one_.

Mari kicked the wall again. The cushy fabric squished beneath her heel. She lay back on her back, hapless, helpless, hopeless.

She hated them. WILLE, NERV, the other pilots, the people she was supposed to save. None of them understood her, or even understood themselves. She hated them.

_I just want to pilot the Eva. Why's everyone got to make that so damn complicated_?

The fluorescent lights above the cell flickered—on and off and on again, once, twice. Mari stared, unblinking.

_Am I imagining things_?_ Maybe I've finally flipped. Whoopee_.

The cycle continued, beyond her reach, while she lay powerless. Hegel's theory of history jumbled in her crowded mind. Thesis, antithesis...synthesis.

_On, off. Light, dark. Day, night. Life, death. _The light stayed strong—_rebirth_.

Put out the light, put out the goddamn light.

The world was broken, and it was only partly Mari's fault. Wouldn't that shock her shrinks back at the university?

The world was broken. It needed fixing.

Light, dark. The cycle continued, unabated.

_Maybe we should all just die_.

Then everything went red.

Blood-red floodlights bathed the cell. A piercing shriek shattered the silence—the ship shuddered from a sudden impact. Alarms blared, men shouted, boots pounded down the hall. Bells rang, and rang, and rang.

Mari's skin prickled. I know this feeling—an Angel!

She wriggled wormlike to the outline of the door, where she pressed her ear to hear.

The door swung out, vaulting her flat on her face. She took a nosedive into black leather boots, tucked with black leggings, up to a short black skirt flanked with a white lab coat, topped with the signature scowl of Ritsuko Akagi.

"Mari Illustrious Makinami?"

She sat up. "Who wants to know?"

Ritsuko knelt. "Hold still." A pair of plastic frames slipped over Mari's ears, and suddenly she could see again. She drank in every detail of Ritsuko's face, from the petulant curled lip to the perky mole under her left eye.

Water washed over the deck and spilled into the cell. "This sector is compromised." Ritsuko nodded to her armed escorts. The men hauled Mari to her feet and tore off the straitjacket. Mari stretched, until the men grabbed her by the arms.

"Move the pilot to Holding Unit 13-B," Ritsuko said to them. "Go! Now!"

The men went, dragging Mari along.

Mari stumbled as she struggled to keep up. Sore from weeks in the tank, she swore worse than a sailor when her leg cramped up.

The deck lurched. Another shrill shriek split the air. Pulling free, Mari rushed to peer out a porthole. A metal shape whizzed by—a steel disk attached to two clawlike pylons. Eva-04.

"The Mark.04!" Mari giggled gleefully. "The Nemesis Series! I peeked at the blueprints, but this is something else! They must have figured out the A.T. Field propulsion! This is _so _cool!"

The ship jolted, knocking her over. She landed on her rear end. Stupid rubbery legs.

Her guards picked her up. "Let's go."

"_You_ let go!" she snapped, wrenching out of their grip. "Take me to my Eva! I know these things, inside and out—I can fight them!" The men didn't move. She stomped. "I said, Let me fight!"

"Sorry, missy," one guard said tightly. He took Mari and hauled her down the hall. "Captain's orders. We retreat."

"We always do," the other agreed.

They pulled her away, kicking, screaming, and more than a bit of biting.

Mari was flung into a dark room. It stank of flour, oil, and spices—food storage compartment. The bulkhead slammed behind her, quenching the light, barring from the outside. Mari pounded on the cold hard steel, shouting, screaming, pleading. Defeated, she sank to the floor. She hugged her knees.

"You can't go out."

A voice in the dark. Mari squinted in the low light, amongst the mounds of flour and food. Over there. Asuka?

It was. She sat cross-legged against the wall, face masked in shadow.

"We pilots have to stay in here for safety's sake," said Asuka. "This is the most secure part of the ship, and the captain can't afford to have us hurt. It's protocol."

"Screw protocol." Mari stalked toward Asuka, fists clenching. "Screw protocol, screw the captain, screw the ship, screw all of you!" She punched the wall by Asuka's head. Asuka didn't flinch.

Mari panted, breath heaving, anger cooling. Without her anger, she may as well have had no bones. Mari melted into Asuka's arms, shaking, sobbing.

_ What am I doing? Pathetic._

Not fear, not grief. She didn't know why she cried. For once in her life, Mari didn't know the answer.

_The enemy's out there, and I'm in here, __d__oing nothing._

_ I could have done something_.

The saddest words in the world hammered into her head. _I could have done something. I could have done something. I could have done something._

_Dammit, I'm crying_.

She buried her face in Asuka's chest. Hesitant, the other girl ran her fingers through Mari's hair, through all the knots and clumps. Mari breathed deep. Asuka smelled sweet of sweat and salt. Of strength. She wore a stained white tank top.

"Sorry, I came from the gym," Asuka said, without reason or apparent provocation. "I've been there a lot lately, since you, well, you know."

Mari said nothing.

Asuka tugged apart a knot in Mari's matted hair. She continued, "The room's been quiet. So quiet I can actually hear myself think. I'm getting tons of sleep."

Mari said nothing.

Neither did Asuka, for a little while at least. Asuka leaned her head against the cold metal wall. It sweated condensation, and moisture trickled into her hair.

"I'm glad you ran away first," Asuka said. "Or else, it might've been me out there. And in there, in the brig. So...thanks, I guess."

Mari said nothing.

She didn't need to say anything. She pillowed her head on Asuka's chest. A trail of tears soaked Mari's cheeks and Asuka's shirt.

Neither of them dared disturb the silence.

It didn't last. Nothing does. The alert passed, and they went their separate ways.

Once she was released from food storage, Mari was called into Misato's office. In so many words, Mari was free to go—she no longer had to stay with _Wunder_. But WILLE wouldn't let her walk away. Mari could move to any number of outposts WILLE had stationed in America, or Austrailia, or even the base in Eastern Europe, manned by Kaji Ryoji. "It was thanks to his data we were able to catch you," Misato told her. Mari could live there while the crew on _Wunder_ finished WILLE's war with NERV. Mari could be safe.

Safe. The word tasted bittersweet, like a rotten raspberry.

Mari looked her captain in the eye.

"No," she said. "No, I won't run away. I'm an Eva pilot, and there's no way around that. I'll fight your damn war, if that's what it takes."

"Good," said Misato. "Then I won't tolerate further insubordination. One more offense, and you're gone. End of story."

The captain rested her elbows on her desk, hiding her mouth behind her folded hands. "It's good that NERV's relics attacked now. It means we're getting closer to the truth." Her tinted glasses glinted. "Our fleet is approaching Berlin. Soon we'll deliver a crippling blow, and finally declare WILLE the enemy of NERV. Our plans are nearing fruition. We must only wait."

_Gee, Misato, you talk more like that man every day_.

"Can I go now?"

Misato let her go.

Mari returned to her room to find her belongings entirely untouched. Her bed was just as unmade as she had left it.

While Mari was arranging her things, bathroom door squeaked open. Asuka emerged in a cloud of steam, towel around her waist, hair dripping shower water. She and Mari shared a stare. "You're back," was all Asuka said. Her left eye was squeezed shut. She turned around to put on the eyepatch before she dressed the rest of herself.

Mari left her presence on the pretense that she'd go see what the cafeteria had for dinner.

Sleep had a hard time finding Mari that night.

Half till dawn, she tossed and turned. Exasperated, Mari tumbled out of bed and onto the floor.

She started working out. She pumped out push-ups, teeth gritted, belly and buttocks clenched, beasts flopping. She worked, harder and harder, until her muscles were screaming louder than her mind.

Asuka stirred. Bleary-eyed, she clicked on her lamp to see Mari, drenched in sweat, exercising with beastly intensity.

"What do you think you're doing, idiot? It's the middle of the night!"

"Preparing!" Mari rasped, every breath tight and ragged. "I'm sick...of sitting...around! I need...to fight...or else...I'll go...berserk!"

Asuka rubbed her eyes. "Well, keep it down, would you? To quote a certain smartass, it's hard to get any sleep with you bitching."

Mari collapsed, gasping. "Oh, I forgot," she sneered. "Some of us never had to work our way to the top. Some of us got pampered right into the pilot's seat. How does that feel, _princess_?"

"Look, I don't want to start a fight this late—"

"Well, I do! I'm sick of being cooped up. I want to see more dead Angels! Or Evas. Or whatever the hell we're fighting now." Mari rolled onto her back to start on sit-ups.

Asuka stared, but her gaze softened. "Why do you pilot the Eva?"

Mari paused. She uncrossed her arms and sat back. "What kind of question is that?" She stretched out on the floor, and her sticky skin found out the carpet could use another cleaning. "All the others treat it like a curse. A duty, or some gloomy chore. I don't get you people. Not me. I love it, more than anything else in the world. I pilot the Eva because I want to." Heaving a sigh, she blew her hair out of her face. "That answer your question?"

Asuka seemed satisfied. She fluffed her pillow and clicked off the lamp.

"Of course, after working as hard as I did, I bloody well deserve to pilot something."

"Do you ever shut up?"

"You have no idea how hard it is to just be me! How much do you think it hurt, getting violated by a berserk Eva with a prog knife?"

"How about having your mind raped, your Eva's guts ripped out, and your entry plug bitten open?"

A smile escaped Mari. "Really? What's _that _story?"

Asuka groaned. "I don't know why I'm telling you this." But she did anyway. "When Unit-03 awakened, I was in the cockpit. The official report said 'some possibility of contamination,' but that was a nice way to put the truth. That monster could see into my soul. I...can't describe what it felt like.

"Naturally, being the clever types they are, what does NERV send to rescue me but Unit-01, the one that goes berserk every time it stubs its toe."

Mari whistled. "That's rough. How'd you make it out?"

"It wasn't easy, I'll admit. I was still in intensive care when the Third Impact happened. Or almost happened. After that idiot Shinji sent the world to hell, Misato stole me from what was left of NERV's hospital. She requested me to pilot Unit-08 for her ragtag bunch of misfits. We're going to save the world, she said, and I went along with it. But all along I thought, Aren't we a little late?"

What could Mari say to that? She'd felt the same. "Is that why you pilot the Eva? To save the world?"

"I pilot the Eva because I can. Pampered or not, I'm damn good at it. If the maniacs and brainiacs think we can save the world by killing off the Eva series, I want to help. We'll wipe them out before they wipe us out first. Them or us. Simple as that."

"Then what? We kill all the Angels, all the Evas, then what? We can't put the world back the way it was. And what do you think happens to us, huh? The Eva pilots?"

Asuka was quiet. "We'll find out if we live that long." She rolled over to face the wall.

Mari lay still for a while. When she'd had her fill of soaking in her own sweat, she toweled off and clambered back into bed. She thought of NERV, and everything that WILLE was working to undo. The Near–Third Impact. The true purpose of the Eva series. The Human Instrumentality Project.

"Maybe it'd be better if we all did die," Mari murmured.

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing."

Leaning out of her bunk, Mari stared down at her roommate.

Asuka looked angelic as she slept. Perhaps it was the absence of that snarl she wore whenever Mari ventured within a hundred meters. Her auburn hair was mussed. Her pale pink lips were slightly apart. Her eyepatch was askew—she even wore it to bed.

Mari let her gaze linger. If she ever respected another human, this was the one. The rest of them could perish screaming, but her...

"I won't let you die," Mari murmured, and blew a kiss. All right with the world, she settled back into bed.

"I heard that, you creep."

"Ha, ha. Go to sleep, Asuka."


	7. Deicide

**Author's Corner**: _Here it is, the grand finale. The culmination of sorrows and sacrifices, decisions and indecision. This is it. (Yes, it's essentially the same material previously published, repackaged with some minor tweaks. Hey, if Hideaki Anno can get away with it, why can't I?)_

* * *

Mari was glad to have survived her deep-sea swim and the Angel attack that sprang her from the brig, but she was gladder to return to her Eva's cockpit.

"This is it," said Misato's voice. "The last mission."

Unit-08 and Unit-02 plodded across the wasteland that was once Berlin. On the other side of the world, the Near–Third Impact left buildings intact, but removed the people. Mari wondered if anyone had survived in underground bunkers, like she had.

"Keep up with me, four-eyes. You're lagging."

"Just admiring the scenery, Princess," Mari replied. "This is your old home, isn't it? See anything familiar?"

Asuka frowned. Unit-02 stepped over the charred skeleton of a playground swing set. "Not anymore."

"Focus," Misato urged. "Remember the plan. You are infiltrating NERV's Third Branch. We have reason to believe that they were manufacturing Mass-Production Evas in their base. Look for a large building with a firm foundation, built to survive anything short of an N² blast. Once you get inside, Asuka, you'll set shaped charges at the locations I've specified. The minute you're both clear, we'll implode the building. It'll demolish any records, research, parts, or prototypes remaining of NERV-Germany's Angel research. And that will be the last of NERV's Evas."

They came prepared. Unit-02 shouldered a huge bag of N² shaped charges, while Unit-08 carried a sniper rifle.

"And why am _I_ stuck on backup?" Mari asked.

"We cannot forget your past conduct in the cockpit. Not only have you hijacked an Eva—_twice—_you attacked a fellow pilot in the course of a mission. We would throw you out if we could afford the loss."

"So you hand me a gun and pray nothing goes wrong." Mari sighed. "I barely scratch Unit-02, and you throw a hissy fit. God help us if there's ever an actual emergency."

"At the first sign of unnecessary violence, we pull the kill switch, and your battery goes dead. If necessary, Asuka can finish this mission alone." Misato was unyielding. Mari savored the restrained rage in her commander's voice. "Mari. Piloting the Eva is a privilege, not an entitlement. Should you insist on further insubordination, there's a padded cell down here with your name on it. Understood?"

Mari chuckled. Of course. The kill switch. A nasty addition to keep her under control. Luckily, with a bit of tinkering after hours, Mari managed to disable it without WILLE noticing. Given the choice, she could disobey a direct order, but only once. When she was exposed, there was no going back. She'd have to save her trick for desperate straits.

Like keeping Unit-02 from dropping its bag of N² charges.

"Sorry, slipped." Asuka steaded herself against a building. "Good catch." Relieved, Mari once again entrusted her with the care of carrying the charges.

Asuka ran Unit-02's hand over the building's surface. "HQ? I think we found it. Big brick building, reinforced windows, several stories high?"

"You got it."

"Understood. Now entering perimeter."

NERV-Germany had the least impressive headquarters Mari had ever seen. Even Bethany Base, an abandoned cache from the Cold War, looked better than this ruin—a squat square structure on the edge of the industrial district, disguised as a defunct automobile plant. Wound around the property was an electrified chain-link fence topped with barbed wire.

Asuka rapped once on one of the building's tall windows, then drove an elbow through. The reinforced glass cracked but didn't shatter. She poked a hole with her progressive knife and tried to rip it open, but the window bent like plastic instead of tearing.

"I can't get through."

Misato swore. "Mari? You're up. Think you can shoot it out?"

"Whatever makes Her Highness happy."

Unit-08 lay on its belly over a freeway, pushing cars off the road. Mari peered down the scope. She fired. The resulting pulse blasted the glass and melted the surrounding brick as well.

"Nice job," Asuka said.

"All for you, Princess," Mari sang.

Unit-02 squeezed through the hole, carrying the bag of shaped charges.

"You're being nice, four-eyes. That scares me."

_It should._

"What's it look like in there?" said Misato.

"Dark. Switching to night vision." There was a pause, then a gasp. "Amazing! It's—oh, wow. I never knew Germany had _this many_!"

"Asuka—"

Mari leaned forward in her seat. "What is it?"

"The UN would pitch a fit if they knew what was going on here! This...this goes against everything on the Vatican Treaty!"

"Asuka!" Misato snapped. She calmed. "Tell us what you see."

Viewing through the scope, Mari watched Unit-02's glowing green eyes bob through the black.

"I think I've stumbled right into the hangar. There's a conveyor belt here, packed with Mass Production Evas. Like gods in the chrysalis. _Mein Gott_. There's seven..."

"Active?"

"Negative. They appear inert."

Misato stewed, her frustration apparent even over the radio. "Let them be. Set the charges, and get out of there before anything goes wrong. We have to destroy all evidence that NERV was ever here. Mari?"

"Yes...?"

"Keep Asuka in your sights. If there's any hostile interveniton, I'll need you to extract Unit-02 immediately."

"Aye, ma'am." Mari paused, wondering if she should really ask. As usual, she ignored the impulses of tact. "Do you foresee any intervention from Commander Ikari?"

Misato swore at her. "Better not speak ill of the dead. No part of the headquarters near Ground Zero could have survived."

"You did."

"Just do your job, Mari."

"Aye, ma'am..."

Lookout duty was boring. Mari chewed her hair, primed and reprimed her rifle, counted the Thue–Morse sequence in her head from 0 to the infinite repeat.

Asuka kept on lining the factory's structure with the cone-shaped copper-coated charges.

All at once, nothing happened.

"Wait."  
"Problem, Princess?"  
"Thought I heard something. It's nothing."

Mari dug a finger in her ear to mine for earwax. "Whatever. Let us know if you find something actually s—"

Asuka screamed.

Sparks danced in the black room as metal clashed on metal.

"Misato!" Asuka shrieked. "There's another Eva in here! Unit-00—no, the Mark.09...!"

Static rushed over the intercom—a deafening crash reverbrated through the empty Eva factory.

"Another Eva?" Misato cried. "It must have gotten in through a back entrance! Only NERV-01 had the passcodes!"

"She's awoken the Evas! Oh God, they're starting to—"

"Mari!" Misato roared.  
"On it!"  
Mari fired blindly through the gap in the factory wall, but only succeeded in making the hole bigger. The brief flashes cast light on a white-and-gold Eva. It glinted in her sights. Mari grinned. "There you are...!" She fired, but the target jerked out of the way.

Unit-02 grappled the Mark.09 and threw it on ground. "How, Rei?" Asuka cried. "How are you still alive after what happened at the Geofront?" The pilot of Mark.09 said nothing. "ANSWER ME!"  
Rows of green eyes gleamed in the dark.

Asuka froze. "Shit, they're waking up!"

Sluggishly, the dangling Evas broke free of their restraints and fell to their feet with a resounding clang. One by one, they uncurled to their full height. They towered over Unit-02, surrounding her. As one, they released a primal roar.

"Abort, abort!" Misato shouted. "All units, withdraw from the area! Once you're clear, we're bombing Berlin. Forget the factory—we can't let the Evas escape, no matter what!"

Mari shut one eye and shot an Eva's head off. It collapsed, neck spraying red. Of the six remaining Evas around Unit-02, Mari aimed for the ones at the edges.

Pained grunts came from the girl in Unit-02.

Misato snapped, "Asuka, talk to me! What's going on in there?"

"It's...no use. I can't fight them all! I've armed the charges. They'll blow in five—make that _four_ minutes, thirty seconds!"

There was a crunch, and the squeal of bending metal.

"I can't eject! It's not responding!" Asuka heaved, her breath heavy and labored. "The Mark.09! It's going for my entry plug! I'm—"

"Shut up and stay still!"

Mari aimed and fired. The shot sizzled through the air and struck Mark.09's in the face. Recoiling, the white Eva released Unit-02. Asuka escaped her grip, only to fall in with the awakened Evas.

"Mari...?"

"I'm getting there!"

Unit-02 drew its knife to stave off the Eva horde, while Mari picked off the stragglers.

"How soon can you get out?" Mari demanded.

"They're blocking the exit!"

"Well, how long on the charges?"

"Three minutes, forty-five seconds!"

"Trying to sacrifice yourself, stupid Princess? What were you thinking?!"

"If one goes, they all go," Misato said. "Hurry!"

A white blur burst from the hole in the wall. Mari's heart constricted. The Mark.09 dropped down in front of Unit-08, clasped the sniper rifle between its huge white legs. Leaving the rifle in its deadly grip, Mari scrambled back. The Mark.09 lunged, impossibly fast, and pinned Mari's Eva by the throat. The fingers tightened, throttling Unit-08.

"You," Mari choked, "what the hell...are you?"

"Unit-08, report!"

"Where's my cover fire, four-eyes?"

Mari groaned. "Little busy here!" Swinging Unit-08's dangling arms, she smashed a giant fist into Mark.09's temple. Stunned by the blow, the white Eva relinquished its hold.

Unit-08 swayed and fell forward, into the Mark.09.

"Oh, you like that? Here, have some _more_!"

Mari followed up with an elbow strike to the damaged area. Clearing the Mark.09's arms with a sweep, Mari body-slammed Mark.09. The other Eva fell back, reeling.

Mari scooped up her sniper rifle and swung it like a baseball bat. Too slow—Mark.09 parried the blow, nearly snapping Mari's arm. The rifle skittered into the street.

Feigning surrender, Mari bent down...then the prog knife ejected from her left shoulder pylon—the butt of the knife shot out and smacked Mark.09 in the chin. Snatching the knife in midair, Mari stabbed at Mark.09's core.

A bright yellow AT field repelled her.

"What?" she cried. "C'mon!"

Canisters dropped from Mark.09's forearms. Grenades! Bursting with a blinding flash. As Mari's hands flew to her eyes, Mark.09 charged and bowled her over. Mari's Eva fell back with ponderous slowness, crushing two petrol stations and a housing development.

Mark.09 loomed over her, preparing its final assault.

Mari hooked the sniper rifle with her foot—the gun flew toward her—she grabbed it—and as Mark.09 leaned over her to deliver the finishing blow, Mari jabbed the tip of the rifle into Mark.09's belly.

"Still not dead!"

She fired.

Gut spewing red, Mark.09 lurched back with a howl. Unit-08 lurched up and fired some more—to the thigh, arm, head, torso, throat.

A choked cry came from the factory. Asuka. Almost afraid of what she'd find, Mari turned to look.

How many enemies? A Mass-Production Eva twitched on the ground, lacking the head that Mari shot off, while two others lay beside it in similar states of disrepair. However, four awakened Evas remained, horribly mangled but still managing to function. Asuka was good, but not that good.

From both sides, two of the remaining Evas pinned Asuka to the ground, while the two others ripped at Unit-02's body with teeth and claws. Asuka screamed again and again, breath ragged and haggard. Her voice grew hoarse. Her struggles weakened.

Unit-03...

"Less than two minutes before the whole place goes up in smoke!" cried a technician's voice in Mari's ear..

Mari knew she had to get back to Asuka. But the Mark.09 blocked her way.

The Mark.09 spread its arms and legs in a solid stance. Suddenly, a rocket pack sprouted on its back, and spouted plumes of flame.

Mari gaped. "The hell? Since when could it do that?!"

Halting, faltering from its wounds, the Mark.09 lifted into the skies, to fly away and fight another day.

"She's getting away!" Misato cried.

Mari fired several times at Mark.09, but missed each shot. Her ammunition was almost depleted. It was getting away...

"Mari! Shoot her down! That's an order! If NERV discovers our activities, WILLE's entire mission is compromised!"

NERV. Mari's other mother. Slayer of Angels, butcher of humanity. Savior of the world. So they survived the Near–Third Impact. And they had one active Eva, maybe more.

Mari couldn't pull the trigger.

"Mari!" Misato cursed. "Pull the kill switch!"  
"I did! Unit-08 is still active!"

"A malfunction at a time like this?!"

"It's not responding! Has it gone berserk?"

The Mark.09...shoot her? Or follow her? Would NERV take Mari in its arms again?  
Asuka gasped. Her transmission was fizzling out. "Help me, Ma...ma..."

Asuka...leave her? Save her?

"Ma...ma..."

Not enough time!  
"Ma...Ma..ri..."

In the back of the factory, the bag of charges blinked bright red.

"Sixty seconds!"

Mari screamed.

She cocked the rifle.

She shot the bag of charges.

The headquarters of NERV-Germany erupted in a tremendous explosion. The windows melted instantly, flying out in gobs of goo. A wave of debris, bits of brick and shards of steel, slammed into Unit-08, burying Mari beneath the tide. A black cloud filled Berlin's clear sky.

Mari hobbled, her head throbbing. Unit-08 dusted itself off. Clutching the rifle, Mari surveyed the ruins.

All that remained of the Third Branch and its Eva program was a smoking crater.

The Mark.09 shrank into a tiny speck on the horizon.

And then Mari knew, _I am alone in the world_.

The radio shrilled from the N² blast—communications with WILLE wouldn't recover for several minutes.

Perfect.

Mari clawed through the twisted metal wreckage. Beneath a Mass-Production Eva's baked black body, Mari found Unit-02. What was left of it. The red armor melded to its flesh. The twisted body twitched. So it lived, though in unimaginable pain. Mari flipped Unit-02 onto its stomach to expose the nub of a half-ejected entry plug. With both hands, Mari grasped the shaft and yanked it out. The entry plug dropped on the asphalt with a clatter and clang.

Mari clambered out of Unit-08.

_Asuka_! "Don't die on me," Mari whispered, suddenly frantic, "don't die! Don't die!"

_ What have I done_?

_Help me. Help me, Asuka. I...need you_...

The handle seared her hands, but Mari managed to wrench open the entry plug. Boiling LCL flooded out, spilling into the street.

"Asuka?"

Like her Eva, the girl was a twisted wreck. Slumped in the pilot's seat, her one lone eye wide and unseeing. Patches of her plugsuit burned away, exposing spots of scalded skin.

As Mari approached, the bright blue eye followed her.

Mari carried Asuka in her arms, out of the entry plug, into the street.

Choppers whirred in the distance, come to take them home. Back to the ship.

Asuka glared.

"Don't look at me like that," Mari said. "I saved your life. Unit-02, too—parts grow back. They'll fix her up good as new—better, even." The glare never relented. "Well, what did you expect me to do? I had no choice!" Mari stopped. Her head dropped. "No. No, I had a choice. This was it. _This_...was what I wanted." The truth stung.

The rest passed in a daze. The helicopters brought Mari back to WILLE. Her, Asuka, and the remains of their Evas.

Misato was less than happy to see Mari.

Little of the ensuing tirade sank in. Jeopardizing the mission. Disregarding direct orders. Tampering with the Evangelion. Endangering the life of a fellow pilot.

But she accomplished the mission.

Mari flopped into bed thinking of what she'd lost. The girl from NERV flew away, along with Mari's last chance. WILLE was now NERV's sworn enemy. And Mari had thrown in her lot with the rebels. With one swift stroke, she'd killed all other options.

They would never trust her again, that was certain. But Mari had nowhere else to go.

It mattered nothing to Mari. Nothing mattered.

_This is __the fate __I cho__se_.


	8. Suicide II

_I am alone._

_ All alone, always alone._

The Eva glinted pink in the sinking sun.

Mari marched Unit-08 over the red wastes, her days a daze. Everything since Berlin was a blur. Asuka. Bandages. The beep of a heart monitor. The plunk of an IV drip. Misato shouting. Ritsuko scowling. Unit-02 in pieces. Unit-08 in its tank, sloshing, splashing.

The hollow comfort of a padded cell.

Sensations bleared and blended.

Mari jerked her head up, blinking with her heavy lids. _Got to stay awake. Got to do the job. Got to do it all._

Then there it was.

Gleaming in the gloaming, shrouded in the setting sun.

NERV-01, headquarters of First Branch. Or what was left of it.

Amid the red ruins of Tokyo-03, the walls of the pyramid bent back like flower petals. Beneath lay the gutted corpse of the command center.

Mari maundered closer, closer, closer.

There was a bomb inside Unit-08. An N² mine, worse than the type they used in Berlin. Misato would never trusted Mari. Unit-08 would blow apart if Mari so much as sneezed wrong.

It all felt wrong. The return to Japan, to the red wastes that haunted her waking nightmares. To the place where everything bad began, ever since the awakening of Unit-01. The Near–Third Impact. The death of NERV, the birth of WILLE. More than a year had passed since then.

Mari skidded down the crater, gun trailing behind her. A gun—her sniper rifle, versus NERV's entire arsenal. Suicide mission.

Though she thought she might return to NERV, she never thought it'd be like this.

She took a halting step, and a boulder cracked beneath her Eva's feet. She imagined she saw a skull, a sea of skulls, glaring and grinning at her, with vacant pits for eyes. Mari grinned right back.

_Mission. Finish. Finish the mission. Keep it together, Mari. _She slapped herself, once on each cheek. She hadn't slept in days, not since she carried Asuka's burnt body out of the Eva. Days. Or was it more?

_Keep it together._

Clumsily, she stumbled down the slope of the Geofront.

Memories flooded back.

Screams. Lights. The ground roaring, rocks rumbling and swirling in the air. A bright red ring that filled the sky and killed the earth. The cries of the damned...

A spear plunging through the gloom, piercing the godlike _thing_ that doomed them all. A black shape framed against the moon...

Unit-08's eight eyes zoomed in on the ruins of NERV. The building looked abandoned, utterly desolate.

No one could live there.

Mari came in vain.

A white flash on the edge of her vision. Mari blocked the blow before it caved in her Eva's face.

_Almost _no one.

The Mark.09, NERV's guard dog, rammed a knee into Unit-08's stomach—Mari buckled—then it took Unit-08 by the shoulders and tossed it into a round of ruins.

Loosely grasping the sniper rifle, Mari raised the barrel at the Mark.09. A white heel smashed the weapon to pieces. Mari stared blankly at the stump of a gun. Then her sight became a flash of blinding pain. She never knew how she'd been hit.

The radio. Misato shouting again. More orders. Shouting, always shouting. What was she saying? Get up. Fight back.

_Fight back_? _What for_?

The Mark.09 drove the jagged point of the barrel into Unit-08's chest. Missed the core. Still, out flowed blood.

Mari stared at the wound, barely feeling it, numb and dumb.

Like a cold and calculating creature, the Mark.09 tore out the pipe and bashed Unit-08 across the face. Again. Again. Mari lost count of the blows.

Her synch rates sank. Unit-08 slipped away from her.

_No, don't leave me_...

Her Eva's exoskeleton crunched and crumpled. Bloody teeth spewed from its broken jaw. The Mark.09 kept on hitting, Mari kept on sitting. Unmoving. Unfeeling.

_I do not deserve to live_.

Everything that Mari touched, she destroyed. Her mother. Her future. Her so-called friendships. Her first Eva, Unit-05, and Unit-02 twice over. Unit-08 would not last much longer.

And Asuka.

_You fool. She's dead. You killed her._

_ I do not deserve to live..._

The blows fell down like rain.

Unit-08 lurched out and grabbed the Mark.09's arm before the next blow fell. Without Mari's consent, Unit-08 wrenched the pipe out of the Mark.09's grip and into the other Eva's eye socket. Toothless, Unit-08 roared. It spattered thick red drool onto the Mark.09's shiny white shell.

Mari stirred. Unit-08? What was it doing?

_ Please, let me die..._

Unit-08's AT Field flung back the Mark.09. While the other Eva staggered, Unit-08 charged—it threw a punch onto, into, _through_ the Mark.09's stomach. Lifting the other Eva like a child's doll, Unit-08 tossed its enemy into the ruins of the pyramid. A jagged edge of steel sheared off the Mark.09's skullcap.

Head spurting red, the Mark.09 struggled to stand. Unit-08 stalked toward it.

Mari pumped the controls, but it was no use.

_ Unit-08, what are you doing? Why can't you let me die? You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mother!_

_ Mother..._

Mari shuddered.

I killed you, Mother, just like I killed everyone else. Even NERV, who replaced you. And what will happen when I turn on WILLE?  
Unit-08 picked up the Mark.09 and pinned it against the pyramid. The Mark.09 simply raised its hand, pleading, praying.

The sun's last light glinted off a speck in the sky. A long red spear fell into the Mark.09's outstretched hand.

Unit-08 staggered back. The Mark.09 sprinted, point first, head aimed to gore her...

_I don't want to die._

The fact struck her suddenly.

_I _don't _want to die. I don't _want _to die. I don't want to die_!

_ I am alive. As long as I am alive, I can fight. And I will fight for myself!_

In full control of her Eva, Mari grabbed the spear and ripped it from the Mark.09's grip. She smacked NERV's Eva with the butt end, then spun and slashed with the spearhead. A gash gushed on the Mark.09's torso, but the Eva barely seemed to sense the wound. Its huge white hands grasped the shaft—both Evas fought over the one weapon.

It was not the Spear of Longinus. A single blade, intricately decorated. Its image stirred in Mari's memory. The other half of a pair. The Spear of Cassius?  
A high-calibur bullet punched through Unit-08's head. Then another, then another.

The LCL bubbled and boiled around Mari—agony seared her skin. But she never let go of the spear.

NERV's sentry turrets. Someone must have activated them.

_And I'm here to kill them all._

A smile curled up Mari's cheeks. Ready to kill, ready to die.

Bring it on.

Then her Eva went dead. Excessive loss of blood. Battery depleted.

What?

The Mark.09 wrenched the spear from Unit-08, tossed Unit-08 up into the air. Mari tumbled. NERV's Eva cocked its arm. It threw.

The Spear of Cassius plunged into Unit-08.

Mari blacked out for an instant.

The force of the blow launched Unit-08 higher into the sky, soaring with the trajectory of the spear. She flew a long, long time. And when she fell, she felt it.

Her Eva lay on its back, spear sticking out of its stomach. The blade had grazed the entry plug. LCL gurgled out of the aperture.

Mari teared up. Not from grief, or pain, but sheer irritation.

The bomb. She heard Misato give the order. Take out as much of NERV as you can. The countdown started, beeping in her ears...

It failed. The spear had pierced the explosive charge—chemicals leaked out through the hole in her gut. Unfair, she thought. Give us a bomb and not let it go off. Disappointing...

Where was the Mark.09?

The ground shook. Her Eva shifted as the Mark.09 picked it up.

Then the cannon fire burst on the Mark.09's chest.

WILLE.

The choppers' rotors whirred above her. A squadron, by the sound of them.

The calvary, here to save the day again.

More explosions of burst shells. The Mark.09 bounded away, shaking the earth with every heavy step.

Unit-08 lifted into the sky.

Conversations blared on the radio. Mission aborted. Risky extraction, but successful. NERV-01 deemed a danger zone. Impassible. Alternate strategy pursued. Something about a tesseract. Low earth orbit. Rockets?

Mari didn't remember the flight back to the ship. She didn't remember much at all.

* * *

Mari woke in a hospital bed.

Beep of a heart monitor. Plunk of an IV drip. Home sweet home.

There was a bed beside hers, and a red-haired girl under the sheets. Asuka. Burned, bandaged, but alive. Her one lone eye cracked open, glared at Mari. She croaked, "Hey, four-eyes."

Princess.

"Still alive, I see." A throaty chuckle shook her. "You disgust me."

* * *

**A/N**: _And so the cycle comes full circle: our resident psychotic suffers a mental breakdown, then learns to live for herself. Here's to the Unnecessary Epilogue department, a la Harry Potter or End of Evangelion! As always, thanks for reading.__  
_


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